REFLECTIONS.

In the beginning.....

I was a child, in need of direction; from parents, guardians, teachers. I needed them to put me on the right track every time, tell me what to do, when to move, when to stop. How to be careful, very careful, extremely careful. As a child, i had to look up to people to correct me when i go wrong......NO.......i was never meant to go wrong in any way! I had to be the good girl, else the world would tag me as bad. I had to follow every instruction to the letter.

But somehow, i kept going in the opposite direction, breaking the rules (most times unconsciously) doing wrong when i was expected to do everything right. Ending up in places i was never supposed to be found. With time, i began to see myself as a failure, throwing blames at my parents for not doing their job well, then at society for not being there each time something went wrong. I felt so ashamed of myself. I would look at youngsters my age, and wish my life were half as good as theirs, only then would i be happy.

And then i developed an inferiority complex, seeing myself as less the person i was meant to be. Nothing seemed right in my life. What a mess my life had turned out to be. Now, why did i feel like that? Because the world wants you to behave in a certain way, talk in a certain manner, think in a certain direction. In fact, you are programmed from childhood to fulfill their demands. And when you fail to do so, you are labelled a failure, a loser, never do well, a misfit in society. But what i have come to discover overtime is that while you are busy living all your life trying to please the world so it doesn't write you off, you have little or no time to discover yourself. You simply become a robot, programmed to follow instructions.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not in any way trying to condemn the world and it's principles. Truth be told, few of  these principles have helped us a great deal. I'm only saying to those who have had rough times, those who have made mistakes, those who have fallen short of certain expectations those who have given up entirely or are on the verge of giving up that you are no total failure. You only failed in a particular venture because you are yet to discover how to go about it. And it can only take self discovery to know how not to fail in what you do.

Perfection does not come from just following laid down principles, or trying to imitate those who have gone before us and have succeeded. No. Perfection (which is a gradual process) comes when you are first beaten, battered and broken. At that time, everyone desserts you and you are left with nothing. Then you have no where to look but inside. That's when God begins to show you what you should know about yourself. And, gradually, as you begin to work on yourself, you become better and better.

If there is any time you need to know your real self, it's when you fail. It's that time when you face the reality of the fact that you have messed up, quit being emotional about your errors, learn from your mistakes and move on rather than sit and brood over nothing. Now, rather than get all emotional about my past, I am glad i went through those rough days and made those mistakes. I never would have discovered that part of me that was meant to reach out to people going through stuff that i have been through. I might not have lived a perfect life, but today i have a message to give out to others. My past experiences have given me a voice with which to speak out.

Know this; society doesn't decide who or what you are, you do. It's entirely up to you to discover yourself, know your worth and improve on you everyday.

You can be better than you are. Keep telling yourself this.

Yours truly,

VIV!!!!!